Crushes are the purest form of attraction.
This came up for me some time ago when I found myself wildly attracted to a woman I knew. She was a decade younger than me, and a co-worker. Furthermore, it was while I was going through a period of voluntary celibacy. Oh yes, and she was also married.
Attraction can be cruel sometimes.
But it was also nice. Firstly, because crushes can be fun if you learn not to take them too seriously, and secondly because it can be an opportunity to examine and learn about your own attraction patterns without having to do anything about it.
Where do they come from? What triggers them? How do we recognize when we’re feeling them and how do we respond?
Do you feel the urge to act on your crushes? Pretend they aren’t happening? Do you try and shove them into the depths of your subconscious and and nail the door shut behind them or do you make up a pleasant fantasy about the object of your affection and masturbate to it when you can’t sleep at night?
How do you respond to this person when you see them? Blush and giggle? Flirt? Pick fights? Avoid them?
What do you feel? Thrilled at that tingle on your skin and those butterflies in your stomach? Annoyed that you can’t work properly? A sense of frustrated entitlement that turns into resentment (It’s not fair! I want you, so I should be able to have you)? Gently amused at the mysterious workings of your own libido?
Attraction is a veiled woman dancing. There will always be more mystery than revelation. But look into her eyes anyway. In those unfathomable depths you will learn the secrets of your own heart.
Remember your last crush. What happened? What were the circumstances? What was happening in your life around then? How did you know when you were attracted? What do you most remember?
Think of another crush. And a third. Answer these same questions.
Do your crushes have things in common? Differences? What about the conditions under which those crushes arose?
What have you learned about yourself from doing this excercise? How can you use this learning going forward?
-May All Beings Be Sexy
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