Diary of a Gateway Boyfriend: Why Honesty Is Important

When my friend first started dating her boyfriend, he told her he found her singing in the car endearing.

So she kept doing it.

Six years later, he's finally admitted it drives him absolutely insane.

You reap what you sow, I guess.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Starstruck (Fiction)

I try not to think of you when I’m onstage. Sometimes it happens anyway.


When I think of you, my voice catches a little bit. It’s barely perceptible, and only Ronnie notices, eyes sliding for a split second in my direction. It’s something that you can get in my head even when I’m performing. For me, the stage has always been a place beyond thought. Onstage, nothing can get to me.

Except you. You can get to me anywhere.

There are sixteen thousand people here tonight. They’re here to see me. They belong to me. I could take any of these people back to the hotel with me tonight. I could have any of them. All of them if I wanted to.

But I only want you.

I can’t wait to get back to the hotel room after the show. For an instant, I consider running out before the encore, but I’m a professional. I hope you appreciate that about me.

There is a meet and greet afterwards with some radio station contest winners. I smile and sign and ask interested-sounding questions. I do it all on automatic pilot. The room is filled with people--promoters, personalities, and publicists--all of them trying to look like Somebody Important. They talk quickly, dress loudly, and drop names frequently, all of them stretching in vain for to reach the confidence you possess without even trying.
It’s all I can take not to giggle.

It feels like forever, but finally, the driver takes me back to the hotel room. On the way, we pass a billboard with my face on it. My half-lidded eyes look out at the city and take in everybody in it.

You belong to me, those eyes say, if I want you to.

I don’t want them.

I only want one person.

Right now, my song is playing in millions of places for millions of ears. Countless eyes are scanning my features as I stare out from magazine coves, billboards, and advertisements. My name is on millions of lips. I’m with the lonely on their computer screens, the dreamers in their fantasies, and the dancers in their nightclubs. Outside the windows of this hotel room, I’m everywhere and I’m company for everyone.

And inside..?

Inside this hotel room, I am alone and naked in the silent dark, standing just the way you like it, bent over the bed with my arms braced and trembling, waiting to hear your footsteps outside my door.

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

There Is A Difference Between Blame and Responsibility



One of the things I've noticed is in our culture we tend to use 'responsible' to mean 'blame' or 'fault'. We also to assign a moral component to failure--if things go wrong or you make a mistake it's because you're a bad person.

And that's not always the case.

But as long as we have this idea in our heads that responsibility means 'finding who's to blame,' it makes it very hard to make progress because we' re so busy trying to identify the bad guy, whether it be others or ourselves, we aren't really taking steps to deal with the issue.

It also makes it hard to make changes. Because if making a mistake means some kind of moral failing on our part, it is easy to either turn to either blaming our selves or refusing to admit our part in the problem either through justification or denial.
It's a fine line to walk. We need to take responsibilty for our actions and the consequences of them while still being able to recognize we aren't responsible for other people's decisions or just plain old bad luck.

If you're finding it hard go up to an attractive stranger, there's nothing wrong with you. It's perfectly normal. but if talking to attractive strangers is something you want to pursue,  then you're going to have to take steps to deal with it.

If you're in a bad relationship, it's not your fault...but if you want things to change, it's important that you take the steps you're capable of making.

You are not a bad person for being shy or for being overweight or for dressing badly. If you have the habit of being sarcastic, defensive, or aloof, that's doesn't mean something's wrong with you. Whatever happened in your past...well, that doesn't make you broken.

At the same time, you will have to deal with the consequences of those things. The more willing you are to face them, the better you'll do.


If you're ready to hear it, I'll urge you to consider this also:

The other person isn't necessarily bad either. They are not wrong for not wanting to go out with you for whatever reason they might have. They are perfectly capable of being a good person who does bad or unacceptable things. Maybe the things they do make you angry or hurt you--that doesn't say anything about them personally.

It just means something has to change.

The trick is moving beyond the Opposites. It isn't about being Right or Wrong. It isn't about making someone else Right or Wrong.

It's about building something better.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Running From The Devil In Your Own Back Pocket


I dated a woman who was active in the kink community. Later, we broke up.

I didn’t want to blame her because she was a wonderful person. I didn’t want to blame myself because I am awesome. So I blamed kink, pushed the whole thing under the rug and moved on with my life.

Half a year later I found myself dating another woman in the kink community. Wouldn’t you know it? All those resentments and insecurities came storming back.

You can’t run from the devil in your own back pocket.

You can change partners but you can’t change yous. And as every horror movie tells us, the things we bury tend to come back to haunt us. Ignoring the thumping coming from the fruit cellar won't make whatever's down there go away.

You CAN face your fears. You CAN let go of the past.

Don't worry. You don't have to do all of it right away. You'll know when you're ready.

And while you can’t change who you are, you can do something better.

You can be there as who you are changes.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

Oh, Also By The Way....

I'm on vacation for the next couple weeks.

I look forward to hearing about your adventures while I'm gone.

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Adult Content

You'll notice there is now an adult content advisory on the site.

Sex and bad language aside, I'm going to periodically posting...other types of writing...in this space, specifically, my erotic fiction.

I've experimented with other types of writing here in the past, most notably the haiku poetry project--which by the way I am well aware is one letter away from completion. I like it that way. Just like relationships, some things are never completely finished.

Anyway, just letting you know in advance so you can adjust your computers and reading habits accordingly

-May All Beings Be Sexy

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.

BS Dating Advice: Kiss The End Of The First Date

I don’t like to kiss at the end of the first date.

I think it puts too much pressure on the kiss. Should we kiss? Should we not kiss? What kind of message are we sending?

I don’t like pressure.

There are other reasons. One of them is my own insecurity. If I botch the kiss and head-butt her in the nose, I don’t want that to be her lingering memory of our time together.

Besides, I live in Canada. It’s hard to enjoy a first kiss in the middle of a freezing wind, both shivering and so bundled up in winter clothes you can barely put your arms around each other-- lips chapped, noses running, hoping not to get a mouthful of wool scarf.

If I’m going to kiss someone, I want it to be at a time and place when I can enjoy her the way she deserves to be enjoyed.

Did I say her?

I mean it, of course. The kiss.

Also, if I kiss someone, I don’t want it to be at the end of the date. I know myself. I’m not the kind of person who can kiss someone just once. I’ll want to taste those lips again, experiment with soft and strong, teasing and direct, gentle and hungry.

So I’ll wait.

Maybe the second date. Possibly even the third.

There’s something to be said for building anticipation. Both of you know it’s coming, but you don’t know when or how.

Contrary to what you might read in Cosmo or on the internet, there are a lot of right ways a kiss can happen. So rather than trying to force it to happen at a certain time (end of first date) or a certain way (The Three-Step Kiss Close or whatever the kids are calling it these days), just let go and see what happens.

After all, there’s something amazing about that distance between two pairs of lips. It’s so close that you can measure it in glances, but so far there are moments you wonder if you’ll ever get there.

Maybe one of you can’t take the tension anymore and will suddenly lean over and kiss you.

Maybe one of you will tell the other “I want to kiss you.” Or ask “May I kiss you?”

Maybe it will happen when you’re both laughing and walking arm and arm down the street. Eyes sparkling, you give each other an easy kiss, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Or maybe you’ll, botch it, bump noses, laugh and either try again or agree to try again later when you aren’t simultaneously walking, talking, and holding shopping bags.

“I can’t even walk and chew gum at the same time,” one of you will say. And you’ll both feel a pleased flutter in your stomach, not because of the kiss, but because you know you’re going to kiss again.
And maybe that moment, that next kiss will come later, when you’re curled on the couch together comparing numbers of brothers and sisters. There will be that natural lull in the conversation.

When your eyes meet.

When you look at one another’s lips.

When you lean close.

And maybe one of you (probably me) will tease the tension out a little longer, so close your lips are-almost-but not-quite touching and then stop.

I like to hold there for a few heartbeats. Be aware of my breath and hers, the tickle of air from her nostrils, the beating of our hearts.

And then…

And then…

Well, what happens next is your story.

May it be the one you’ve always dreamed of.

-May All Beings Enjoy Fantastic First Kisses

Check out this link for information on how to get Dan's Dating for Shy Guys ebook.